Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology
Mar 2013 · Sold by Penguin
4.6star
148 reviews
Ebook
304
Pages
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About this ebook
Get this:
Cronus liked to eat babies.
Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.
Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.
Isis had bad taste in jewelry.
Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.
And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.
All our lives, we’ve been fed watered-down, PC versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified…wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words.
Skeptical? Here are a few more gems to consider:
• Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed.
• The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone.
• The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies.
• The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace.
And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.
Cronus liked to eat babies.
Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.
Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.
Isis had bad taste in jewelry.
Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.
And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.
All our lives, we’ve been fed watered-down, PC versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified…wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words.
Skeptical? Here are a few more gems to consider:
• Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed.
• The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone.
• The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies.
• The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace.
And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.
Ratings and reviews
4.6
148 reviews
Alfredo Hernández
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July 28, 2015
Most mythology books you'll find out there just talk about Greek, Norse, and Egyptian mythologies; not only this is a incredibly funny retelling of some of those myths, but also of some generally forgotten mythologies that are also part of our legacy. It's a brilliant, well written book. The last pages are just gold.
4 people found this review helpful
Shelly Himes
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June 13, 2015
Awesome book. Someone said it started to repeat itself after a while, but that's the whole point. Myths do seem to have some sorts of collective themes, even those from vastly different cultures. Really worth a read and a laugh, whether you're super into mythology or not.
8 people found this review helpful
Lauren “Sheepcreep” Kangas
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December 20, 2015
I couldn't get enough of this book, and nearly burned through all of it in a day. Worth every penny. Honestly I'd pay another 12 bucks a day just to have this guy explain things to me. An excellent read!
4 people found this review helpful
About the author
Cory O’Brien is a dude who likes myths a whole lot. When he’s not writing about myths, he is usually yelling them at people in bars or posting them on his website, bettermyths.com. He is currently in the MFA program in writing at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Also, birds really freak him out
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